Wednesday, February 25, 2009

No. 5. Everyone Has One...Inappropriate Karaoke Songs

Karaoke bars. No matter how you feel about them, you will invariably find yourself at one listening to some homely middle aged Hoosier woman belting out “Magic Man” by Heart as she dreams of the Magic Man of her youth (who for all intents and purposes is Todd from Beavis & Butthead). But Karaoke bars aren’t all Hoosiers singing Heart, frat boys adding ‘fuck’s to Bonnie Tyler lyrics, and promiscuous revelers performing that David Allen Coe song. No, sometimes due to the wildly inappropriate song choice of a clueless performer or a mischievous asshole, a karaoke bar can be transformed into a theatre of the hilariously awkward and absurd.

Our question to you is this: what are the most inappropriate karaoke song choices that you can think of? It can be a mood killer (True story, I once heard someone do Live’s “Lightning Crashes” in front of a rowdy Friday night crowd. Nothing stops the party like a person singing about placentas falling to the floor); inappropriate due to circumstances (Prince’s “P Control” during an outing with co-workers); inappropriate due to location (Neil Young’s “Southern Man” at a Mobile, Alabama sports bar); or just inappropriate for karaoke (anything by Dream Theater).

Feel free to pick songs from real life experiences as well as hypotheticals. And lest we devolve into a discussion of merely the most offensive songs you can think off, try to stick to songs you might ostensibly find in a karaoke songlist. (i.e., no songs by bands fronted by Seth Putnam).

--Travis Newman


Alex said...

Here are my choices for bad karaoke songs:
-"One In a Million" by Guns 'N Roses;
-"Imagine" by John Lennon;
-"Echoes" by Pink Floyd
-Any song that was originally intended to be funny. Because you won't be funny; and
"Bros" by Panda Bear.

A few other thoughts...

The amount of times I've seen someone sing karaoke and thought to myself, "Man, that was great, I'm really glad I was here to see that," is nearly non-existent. Maybe once. At Piece in Chicago during rock and roll karaoke I saw some guy do "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick and he pretty much owned it. But rock and roll karaoke is a bit different and it would have sucked had the band not been there.

I once saw a guy do an Eminem song at a bar, and it wasn't so much that the song sucked (although it did), it was the fact that he was trying really hard to be good, as if there might have been some hip-hop mogul in the crowd at this Midwestern sports bar trying to scout (white) talent.

Also, I love how this is the second post where we've had to post a warning to not channel your inner-Seth Putnam. That guy must be proud.

Audrey said...

"Chocolate Salty Balls" by an overanimated octagenarian at an undercrowded bar in Brighton, England in the dead of winter.

Travis said...

I don't think I'd like to see anyone performing "Chocolate Salty Balls", but that would be awful.

And if someone started into "One In a Million", I think I would immediately leave the room to avoid the pending riot. Though I'd like to see someone do "Echoes" just to see the screen say "2,435 Beat Musical Break".

Another awkward moment I witnessed was Jimmy Valpo performing Paul Simon's "The Boxer". After singing the fourth screen of the song's "lie-la-lie" coda, Jimmy couldn't keep it together when page after page filled with "lie-la-lie"s kept coming.

Alex said...

In college, Jimmy Valpo used to sing "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls while he was in the shower. You could hear him all throughout the house.

Jim P. said...

My pick: "Iris" by the Go Goo Dolls.

Alex said...

I think we have a winner.

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